5 Ways to Bond with Your Kids
Making time to bond with each of our children in our blended, mixed family takes intentionality. Most of the time it's not convenient! Here are 5 ways to bond with your kids.
"Let’s go to the pool, dad!"
Our kids love going to the pool, so my wife and I work it into our weekly schedule. We take turns taking them. On this particular occasion, I decided to take a book along with me. I planned to read while my five children swam in the pool. It would be a perfect use of my time!
Before we left, I took inventory:
Life vests - check
Goggles- check
Pool toys - check
Water bottles - check
Snacks - Hmmm (I do forget things... I’m a trying dad, not the perfect dad.)
In less than two minutes, the children were in the water after we arrived at the pool. They started splashing, screaming, and playing.
Life is good.
I sat back, relaxed, and opened my book like a kid in a candy store. I couldn’t wait to start reading. Chapter one, let’s go!
Then I heard a soft voice.
“Hi Kelvin, let’s talk. I’m not swimming today because I couldn’t find my swimming suit. Plus, I just don’t want to swim anyways.” It was my step-daughter, Emma.
What? I tried to resist. This couldn’t be possible. Our children, all of them love swimming in the pool. Why didn't Emma want to swim? Why today? I was getting ready to read a really juicy book and learn a ton of new content. Why was I getting interrupted now?
She continued, “So, I’m really excited to be here! So let’s talk!”
And for the next hour, we talked.
It was reminiscent of the twenty-plus hours we spent together driving from Nashville to Denver back in May. Emma insisted on accompanying me in the moving truck. We talked, played games, listened to music and podcasts for the entire two-day road trip. This girl didn’t sleep! Yikes!
I didn’t get in two paragraphs that day. I just listened. Emma and I talked beside the pool as the other four children swam and played.
In the process, I learned a few things about parenting...
Go with the flow. Be flexible and spontaneous. Make time for your child or children. Bonding often comes in the most “inconvenient,” unscripted” and “unplanned” moments. They just do.
Listen for the magic words. Give your children your attention when they utter the words, “let’s talk” or “do you have a moment.” There are always exceptions to everything. But those words are priceless, especially when spoken by tween, teenagers, and young adults. Those words are an invitation or windows into their hearts and souls. Even more, if you are a stepparent like me, drop what you are doing and embrace the opportunity! It’s never something you should take lightly.
Do less talking and more nodding. Listen, listen, listen, and listen some more.
Care more about your child than accomplishing an immediate goal. I had a strong desire to read that book and check it off my weekly goal list. A noble task if I may add. I’ve told my children “not right now, we can address that later.” But bonding with my step-daughter was more important than checking off a box.
Last, be a practitioner instead of acquiring more information. In other words, learning without practice is futile. The irony of this situation is the book that I really wanted to read. The book title was, “Four Things Women Want from A Man" by pastor A. R. Bernard. My bonus daughter Emma wanted my attention. I almost lost a valuable bonding moment because I wanted to read a book which would tell me the exact same thing—give women your attention!
What are you currently practicing as a parent? How do you handle the “let’s talk” moments with your children when you are busy?